Kaisa V Neal

Lost Feelings

I have nothing left to feel; no pain, no sorrow

My eyes are dry, not a single tear, I think, I ponder

Why not a smile, how it will never form; the days become short, and I become tired

Everything goes dull, and I become duller; ill see no color, only black and white

And the less I will feel, every day and night

My heart will beat slower, and I will slowly die; my time is almost out, and I have yet to cry

Not a laugh have I left, nor a smile on my lips; not a single tear will form, and here I’m left alone

It’s cold and dark, my eyes begin to close; I start to see them memories, that once had faded away,

The tears, the laughter, the smile that lit my face; they flash before my eyes, one right after the next

And yet nothing happens, no smile, no tears, not even a smile; just a blank stare

I try hard to form a smile, but lips won’t even twitch; my memories just flicker

Sending me one way then the other; and as I spin in circles, I fall as if to cry

But nothing happens, not a tear falls from eye; I curse, I punch, I kick and yell, but all I get is an echo

I’m all alone, no one can hear me; I’m left here in this hell bound curse, no man around nor a man in sight

No scent to smell, no devil to see, just me, here, all alone; this hell full of memories, some good and some bad

It burns in front of my eyes, and mocks me with its ashes; and yet as hard as I might try, yet still no tear

Not a single smile lights up my face, nor a sound from across my lips; I’m not angry, nor scared, not happy nor sad

But that girl there in my memories had all I wish I had; and yet still no tears will roll down my cheeks, or a single smile to show off my pretty teeth

The sound of my laughter will be nothing but a memory, my eyes start to drift closed, the memories begin to fade

Their light get dim, its as dark as a moonless is sky; and off to sleep I drift, my mind untamed and wild

I toss and turn, I scream, and I kick; my dream turns into a nightmare, my mind floods with hateful memories

I scratch, I bite, and I fight it some more, but I fail, waiting to awake; the hands of my memories, hold me tightly in their grip

I’ve no way to escape, I start to ventilate; and still not a single tear forms to trickle down my cheek

No smile to appear or a laugh to be heard, I’m just sitting here, surrounded by the memories

My eyes they begin to flutter, and light seeps through the dark; the memories fade away, I’m alone and its empty

The room gets cold, and he stands there just waiting, my memories fluttering around him; he burns like fire, his eyes black as coal

And next to him stands a little girl, holding his hand; his grip is firm, no way for escape, the memories flooding through my skull

And as I lay down, the light begins to fade, I drift off listening to my slowing heartbeat, my mind now tame and joyful